Guy counts down.

Graphic appears.

Voice of Tigers: Well another opening day is here. This will be like no other Opening Day! Live from Comerica Park, this is the Detroit Tigers Opening Day Preshow on UPN50.

Ernie Harwell: Hello there, I'm Ernie Harwell and we have got a great game for you. It's a beautiful day for a baseball game. Sitting beside me is the one and only Big Al Kaline.

Al Kaline: Wow, what a great game this is going to be. We have the Tigers who are 1 and 5 taking on the Seattle Mariners.

Ernie: Keep in mind, this is not the same Mariner team from last year. They don't have Ken Griffey Jr.

Al Kaline: Hey it's a good thing. Griffey just plain sucked!

Ernie: What kind of language is that? Well we do have a game to play. Right now in the locker room is Jim Price.

Jim Price: Whew, thank you partner! This is going to be the games of all games. I'm standing by right now with Bobby Higginson. Higgy, what do you think is going to be your toughest challenge today?

Bobby Higginson: Well first of all Jim Price, it's going to one slammin jammin game. Keep in mind here, Bobby is ready to rock and roll.

Ernie: We're going to have a great game here. The Mariners are playing good ball.

Al Kaline: They should. They got rid of Ken Griffey because he sucked!

Ernie: I can't believe what has gotten into you Al. You have to be professional. We're coming live from Comerica Park. We are getting ready for the player introductions in just a few.

Camera focuses on Paws.

Ernie: There we see Paws dancing all around. The kids really love to see Paws. He brightens up everyone's day. Yes, indeed. Look at that young fan.

Al: Hey look at the tail on her!

Ernie: I hope you weren't referring to Paws.

Al: Oh no. I was talking about the lady in the stands. Hubba Hubba.

Ernie: Well with that in mind, here's Jim Price.

Jim: Thanks Ernie. It's great to be working with you on another great Tigers season. Going 0 and 5 Saturday, Tony Clark, you obviously have a lot on your mind. But according to the Lockeroom, you've been voted the franchise player. So are you pumped up about being the franchise Tigers player?

Tony: Well I'll lay it plain and simple, Jim. There are Tigers here that don't belong here. You know who I'm talking about. And yes, I am in a slump. This god-forsaken team is in a slump. And that's why today will be the day of change. That is why I am opening a challenge for any Mariner to take me on in a home run hitting contest.

Jim: Well partner, that sounds like a challenge. We'll have to have that after that game.

Camera focuses on Juan Gonzalez walking to the stadium.

Al: There he is! It's Juan Gonzalez. He's here! I can't believe it. He showed up. The fans are going nuts!

Voice of Ray Lane: Tigers Baseball is brought to you by Little Caesars.

UPN50 screws up and shows the commercial with Meng and Goldberg.

Ernie: We're back for more Tigers on UPN 50.

Promo airs for WWF Smackdown.

Ernie Harwell: Catch Smackdown on UPN 50.

Al: Ernie, you watch the Smackdown?

Ernie: Al, you bet. I'm hoping the Rock gets revenge on HHH. The only way to find out is to watch.

Camera pans on Paws. Paws is signing autographs and posing for pictures.

Al: There's Paws again. Paws is having himself a great time unlike me.

Camera focuses on the crowd.

Ernie: We're live here on UPN 50. Another great show tonight on UPN is Moesha. Tonight on Moesha, Moesha realizes that she's not as cool as she thinks she is. Tune in tonight for Moesha. Here's Jim Price.

Jim Price: Well partners, I want to get a word with Juan Gonzalez before he steps out on the field. We'll keep you posted on what happens. Al and Ernie, back to you.

Ernie: I understand that Todd Jones is on the field.

Todd Jones: Let's get a few things off my chest here. First of all, I don't get to start this game. I am a closer. And that's bad news to all my fans out there. My fans want to see me, Big Poppa Jones be the starting pitcher out there. (Fans boo.) Hey, you shouldn't be booing me. You should be booing that moron Juan Encarnacion. You should be booing that idiot Robert Fick. Fick, should be known as felch. Someone else you should be booing is Phil Garner. He thinks a tie with the Indians counts as a win. Boy is he a major moron! But if I were you, boo felch and Encarny. They screwed up our lead. So for all those freaks out there, Big Poppa Jones is the hookup.

Ernie: I can't believe Todd Jones turned on the crowd like that. Apparently, he's gotten too big for his britches.

Al: Personally, I like the new attitude. He is right on all accounts. Garner didn't do good with the Brewers and here will be the same old thing.

Ernie: We're looking at footage from earlier. Damon Easley is showing off to his Tiger buddies. Look at him lift those weights.

Al: But look at what happened here.

Ernie: My god. That's former Tiger Chet Lemon.

(Chet Lemon powerbombs Damon Easley.)

Al: Isn't it great? The latest report I heard is that Easley will miss opening day with strained ribs.

Ernie: You're a sick sick individual, Mr. Kaline. Jim Price is waiting for Juan Gonzalez to show up. Pass Sports' Jason hung out with Dean Palmer. Let's go to that footage.

Pass Sports Jason: Dean Palmer, I understand that you have a big surprise for the fans when you hit a home run. Can you tell us about about it?

Dean: Sure Jason. Every time I hit a home run, I promise that I will dance around the bases. Yes, it's true. Dean Palmer is going to be your hero. I am going to strut my stuff and (camera comes in closer.) dance, dance, dance.

Pass Sports Jason: Wouldn't that make games longer?

Dean: Well of course. The fans will love every minute of it. Dancin' Dean doesn't disappoint.

(Clip ends.)

Camera focuses on Juan Gonzalez.

More UPN50 promos air for Star Trek.

(Camera pans on Cecil Fielder and his kid eating hot dogs.)

Ernie: Game time is just minutes away on UPN50.

Al: Look at Cecil and his kid eat. The Tigers should have paid him in hot dogs!

Jim Price: We're back fans. I am standing in the Tiger den with Juan Gonzalez. Juan, welcome to Detroit. What do you expect to come out of the today's game?

Juan: Hey yo! Finally, Juan has come back to Detroit! (Crowd cheers as Paws walks by.) Paws points to have his bat signed.

Juan: Ok, you want me to sign it guy? I can do that. Anything for my fans.

Jim: What a moment this is. Juan, I bet you didn't have the fan support like you do in Detroit.

(Juan signs the bat.)

Juan: No, Jim. Detroit is pretty receptive. (Paws points to the bat.)

Jim: Something wrong Paws?

Juan: Did I make a mistake or something?

Paws picks up the bat and hits Juan Gonzalez in the leg.

Jim: Paws, what did you just do? That's our star player.

Ernie: Paws has turned on everyone. This is hard to believe.

(Paws gives the DX symbol to Juan.)

Jim: I can't make heads or tails of this. Whoa baby!

Al: Probably another injury to Juan. Like the tigers will win. Hey Ernie did you see my statue?

Ernie: Fans, we're out of time. I'm going to go do the broadcast for WJR now. For Al, Jim, Pass Sports' Jason, and the rest of the Tigers' we'll see you later.